No instalen DirecTV en sus casas. Cuando llueve no se ve nada.

Porn is good. I have one million nine thousand and twenty four hours of porn in my hard drive. I watch porn at least fourteen times a day or else I start shaking and twisting like an epilectic dog. Sometimes I think i’m dreaming of watching porn, but actually, I’m just watching porn.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking masturbation. Don’t get me wrong. I watch porn because I’m a perfeccionist. I have a very active and specially interactive sexual life. I mean, I used to work as a model for Christ sake. Why else do you think I don’t need to be working right now? For one glance at the birdie and two cover shots I get paid a ridiculous high amount of cash. My looks and fame are everything and that’s why women can`t help feeling so attracted to me.

I don’t see porn as a low-class corrupt form of adult entertainment for people who need to live in a fantasy world to achieve sexual pleasure. That’s for ugly people. For me, porn is a teaching guide. I steal my moves from porn, the lines I have to say while some strange woman goes down on me, the way I should come for every different scenario and occasion or even the sexual toys I should consider adding to my repertoire. Sometimes I even doubt myself and begin to think that I like porn more than sex itself. I take more pleasure in learning than in practicing. That’s why I practice a lot. So I can keep learning. So I can keep watching porn.

I’m like any other human being on this planet. I eat, I sleep, I go to the bathroom, I have a cell phone and a six hundred year old castle with a satellite dish so I can watch my porn. I wake up every morning and have my coffee with toast and eggs for breakfast, and read the paper while watching a little morning porn. Sometimes I even take notes on the side of the financial section. “Grabbing hair while nibbling ear à good”. Stuff like that.

I get more than a hundred different porn channels from around the globe. I have more than a thousand tv sets installed all around my castle. I make sure every day that every one of them is working properly. I’m specially proud for the three special ones I installed in my bedroom toilet. One for when the seat is up, another one for when it’s down, and one in the bottom. I just love watching porn while admiring my own turds.

I’m not a pervert. I’m like you. There’s only one difference between us. You have a normal life. So do I.

I just love porn.